Updated: Mar 19
“Let Go of Control”
“When he finished speaking, he said to Simon, ‘Now go out where it is deeper…”
Only three days after my unexpected journey began, the Sunday message was just for me! Jesus had been standing in Peter’s boat as He preached to a large crowd, but then told Peter to go out where it was deeper.
I invited Jesus into my “boat” when I was seven years old. And even though Jesus has preached to many crowds using my boat, I normally prefer staying near the shoreline. I have a fear of water; therefore, I have never liked to float because that requires letting go of control.
I’ve always wanted to control my surroundings. As a child, I wanted to be a perfect Christian. As a teen, I had to look perfect. In marriage I wanted my husband to be perfect and later my children to look and act perfect.
So when the Shepherd launched my boat to the peoples of the world, instead yielding to HIS control, I often wore myself out trying to make sure I helped EVERYBODY! And to this day I still wear myself out with expectations the Shepherd would never put on me!
That's why I needed to hear pastor’s message to go out where you can no longer control. However, I had no idea how deep those waters would be, and I had no idea how strong my desire to control would be!
But then I received a phone call that my back surgery would be done earlier than planned because the surgeon wanted to prevent the possibility of permanent nerve damage. I immediately went into full control mode! How could I squeeze fifteen days of preparation into four? For one thing, we needed a different bed to enhance my recovery. Ron and I had already spent hours of online research and had shopped every single local store. However, because of the current supply shortage, we had been told it was impossible to have a new bed delivered, even by the later surgery date!
For two long hours following that phone call, I tried so hard to figure out a way to make the impossible happen! Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, I became aware that I was trying to control! Immediately, I went down on my knees, and I gave up! Of course, there was nothing I could do to make a bed suddenly appear in our home. However, the more important reason I was on my knees was because I realized this experience was not about a bed. It was about me letting go of control in every area of my life.
Now, let me tell you just one miracle that happened after I let go. That same day, an hour before closing time, Ron and I walked into a bed store we had tried a few days earlier. There just happened to be a very kind Christian lady there who showed us an affordable option we had not known about. AND that bed set just happened to be in stock and just happened to fit into the delivery schedule two days later!
So, every time I crawl into that bed, I will be reminded that if My Shepherd can lay me down in a bed that feels like His green pastures, then I will keep on letting HIM lead me, even if the still waters become deep waters! And this is the reason…
Remember, I don’t like to be in water? But when our son lived in Hawaii, he coaxed me into snorkeling with him, and of course every beautiful minute was underwater! In later years, Jon "encouraged" me to stand on a paddle board, by myself, and go with him down the Magothy River. How did I overcome my fear of water enough to enjoy such adventures? Because I trusted my son! Not only was he a Master Diver in the Navy, but I KNEW him. I knew Jon loved me and I knew he would never allow anything to harm me!
So even as I face a surgery that is totally out of my control, I KNOW Who will be with me!
The more I trust in HIS love, the more I let go of control!